The secret I'm keeping

Day one of the juice fast isn’t going badly. I know where every bathroom on the premesis is and the amount of water I’ve consumed before 10 a.m. is borderline annoying…considering I actually do drink quite a bit of water this is quite a statement.

So this morning I woke up and tried to remember what to do first.

This was me: Stumble to the kitchen. Prepare lemon water. Okay that was simple and something I do anyway so no big deal there. Next, “drink” (eat) coconut oil and frankincense (I… I … oh my it did not go down so smooth). Don’t gag that’s not appropriate. Control facial expression. Wish the other guests a cheerful good morning. Drink a load of water to wash that coconut oil situation down. Wait. I think I have supplements? Wait. The morning meditation is about to begin. Sit down and look awake. Forgot to take the tea shot. Go back to the kitchen and took the tea shot (which was foul). Must contact Shono and tell him it’s a “no go” for the 8 a.m. book club meeting, as according to the itinerary, I’ll be on the morning hike at that time. Maybe we can reschedule to 10 a.m. when I’m due to have my “rest” .

This all happened before 6:20 a.m. when the morning meditation began.

In other news, I forgot the morning supplements which the nurse called tinctures… Tinctures make me think of visiting the apothecary in Dickensian England for early onset consumption. Now I think about it, I think I also just forgot my probiotic. I better get on it before the nurse checks and discovers that I have a load of pills just laying about unused and reports me to … well I don’t know who. I always have this fear of being reported.

Let me back track a little and expand on the juice fast day I had. There was this one dark green juice drink where I was like; “Ah… so this is how I die.” but the others were all pleasant and tasty. Breakfast: Coconut milk and some kind of protein powder (I think) and a carrot and ginger juice. The rest of the day was a combo of two juices per setting. Either a green juice and a beet juice or two green juices (that nasty one came up twice more in the day). A grand total of five rounds of juice. I was never hungry… but did I happen to mention that I know where every bathroom is?

Cutting to the chase, I have a secret.

I have a sugar addiction. Like all addicts I don’t think I’m that bad… but let’s face it and my thighs are proof, I’ve never met a cookie I couldn’t get along with. I am determined to get that addiction in hand as at my worst I would drink a sugary, milky coffee as an entire meal and let that keep me going for most of the day. Gross right? But the secret deepens… I have one of those soft peppermint puff candies in my purse. I found it just after I arrived. I promise I didn’t bring contraband on purpose. That little drug has been softly murmuring to me from my purse. I can resist it now but I shudder to think what I’ll do on day 10 when the program staff tells me that we are going to have nuts for dessert. NUTS FOR DESSERT??? Are they roasted and dipped in brown sugar?

They are not.

When I heard this nuts for dessert proclamation pronounced with a whole lot of glee at the orientation lunch, I wanted to laugh aloud… but I didn’t. I lowered my head and smiled. Had these people never witnessed the miracle of a warm gooey brownie topped with just a dollop of vanilla bean ice cream??? Nuts for dessert indeed!

I’m not going to throw away my peppermint. I’m going to keep it. Maybe at night look at it like Gollum listening to the crinkle of the wrapper and thinking of the flavored white sugary goodness within. I’ll just keep it. I won’t eat it. I’m here to beat this sugar thing and get rid of the inflammation and Live Well. I’ll just keep it. It’s my secret. Does that sound faintly crackish? I’m not sure.